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Assalamualaikum, Mas

It feels a little awkward to call you that, especially after more than two years without meeting or talking properly. Honestly, I don’t even know how to start this letter or what exactly I want to say. But one thing I do know—there’s something in my heart I’ve been keeping for too long.

I don’t remember exactly when, how, or why it started, but somehow I found myself liking you. At first, I thought it was just admiration—for your persistence, for how you’ve grown into the person you always wanted to be. I know a little about your journey, your process, even your past love stories. And somehow, I still kept watching from afar.

Maybe I’m not even worthy to say I like you. My heart isn’t used to loving anyone. But for some reason, I started caring more than I should. I started looking for news about you, opening your social media, even stumbled on that old message you once sent on Facebook inviting me to hang out. At that time, I didn’t feel anything. But now, I wonder—was there something there I didn’t understand?

Mas , I feel like reminding you to eat, to rest, cheering you up when you're tired, scolding you when you stay up too late or play billiards too much. But again—who am I to say all that?

It’s a little funny, isn't it? We used to be just friends. I even encouraged you to be with my best friend. Looking back, that makes me feel a bit foolish. But that’s how life works sometimes.

Mas, maybe you should pray—for me. Pray that these feelings will fade away. I’m scared that what I feel will never be returned, and that maybe… we’re just not meant to be.

Would I come if you marry? I don’t know. That thought alone hurts more than I expect it to.

Anyway, I’m sorry for having these feelings. Thank you for being someone I could silently admire from afar. Stay healthy, and may Allah always guide your steps. And if fate doesn’t allow us to meet in this life, maybe I can at least cross paths with you in Umrah this year… even if just as strangers under the same sky.

Wassalamualaikum