Another Day with same Feelings

it's a been a long time since i uploaded my draft here. 

hai, nana here! i just want to write a weird feeling inside my brain, heart, lungs, body.

im 24 yo now. may allah bless me aamiin.

and my quarter life crisis would happen slowly, may allah protect me.

pengen nulis pake bahasa inggris tapi takut kagok.

perasaan aku sebagai wanita muda its happened

feel that need somebody

feel that i want ditemani

feel that i want someone protect me

feel that i don't want alone anymore

but why?

i know my friends feel the same

but thats really weird for me is it?

because i never get closer with someone else especially stranger.

sometimes, i dont want it

but when i see my age. 

i am in the same age with my mom when she had me.

like? 

i have no plan for searching someone.

i just believe to god, he would find me

but, why it is take a long time?

and i know if he came fastly i wouldnt believe too.

i definetely would keep away from him. (anak MAI bos)

i also afraid when my friends are say to me 

that i should keep my bucin.

they said "mba ning kalo dah suka sama orang pasti bakal bucin"

"tris lu jangan cepet baper ya!"

"na, jangan sampe salah suka sama orang ya"

"na, jangan ampe dibodohin cowo ya"

i take it as a love letter a love notes from my friend.

i would do my best then.

but sometimes i get envy too 

all of my friend would answer that thay had in a relationship

or just approached by someone in opposite gender (mau nulis pedekate aja susah ya allah) 

not in once they literally have more fans maybe xixi

but me?

all of the boys from my junior high school until on collage maybe afraid to me.

do i look like alien?

do i look like a goblin?

do i look like a magical fairies? kalo ini mah banyak yng deketin si. tapi kan aku peri (got distracted from another me)

like ya allah ya rabbi pleasee

i dont know please help me for being istiqomah in your way aamiin